Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster wrote a book. And which dictionary did Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster use? Webster’s? The Oxford English? I don’t know. Only Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster knows for sure. And she’s no longer here. No one, as far as I know, ever asked Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster which dictionary she used. Apparently Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster didn’t write down which dictionary she used, either. And furthermore perhaps Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster didn’t want anyone else to know which dictionary she used. Perhaps Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster was self conscience about using a dictionary bearing her last name. The last name being Webster, and all. Or perhaps the Oxford English Dictionary was too “high class” for Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster’s taste. Then again perhaps Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster simply didn’t possess either a Webster’s Dictionary and/or an Oxford English Dictionary. It may be, in fact, that Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster only possessed a Dr. Johnson’s Dictionary. Or even perhaps an up to date and modern Funk and Wagnalls Dictionary. And you thought you knew Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster. I’m sorry. Did I say Alice Jean Jane Chandler Webster? I meant to say Jane Alice Jean Webster Chandler. She wrote a book, too. I think. Anyway, Jane Alice Jean Webster Chandler never used a dictionary. She just made everything up. Just like I’m doing now. What? Who am I? Why I’m John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt’s cousin Joe. That’s right. Just Joe!

by John Patrick Timothy Seekamp  2015  (but you can call me John)