The Scientific Log Of Phillibert P. Phiffleflute the third

 

  Entry for Monday, July 7th, 1884———Day 1:

Prepared laboratory for experiment.

Mixed 7 granules of magnesium dioxide with 4 granules of potassium sulfate———-Nothing.

Disposed of chemicals, cleaned equipment, returned home.

 

  Entry for Tuesday, July 8th, 1884———Day 2:

Prepared laboratory for experiment.

Mixed 9 granules of manganese chloride with 6 granules of sodium nitrate———-Nothing.

Disposed of chemicals, cleaned equipment, returned home.

 

  Entry for Wednesday, July 9th, 1884———Day 3:

Prepared laboratory for experiment.

Mixed 5 granules of carbon silicate with 2 granules of sulfur chlorite———Nothing.

Disposed of chemicals, cleaned equipment, returned home.

 

  Entry for Thursday, July 10th, 1884———Day 4:

Prepared laboratory for experiment.

Mixed 1 granule of ammonium hydrate with 9 granules of hydrogen ammoniate———–Nothing.

Disposed of chemicals, cleaned equipment, returned home.

 

  Entry for Friday, July 11th, 1884———Day 5:

Prepared laboratory for experiment.

Mixed 3 granules of aluminum silicate with 10 granules of silver hydroselenide———-Nothing.

Disposed of chemicals, cleaned equipment, returned home.

 

  Entry for Saturday, July 12th, 1884———Day 6:

Felt frustrated. needed to relax. Mixed 1 teaspoon chamomile tea (in ball) with 1 cup hydrogen monoxide heated to 100 degrees Celsius , left it to steep———Ah, felt better.

Prepared laboratory for experiment.

Mixed 3 granules of ferric acetate with 2 granules of titanium dioxide———Nothing!

Became frustrated again, needed to relax, thought of better idea——–mixed 1 oz. of French brandy with  1 cup of hydrogen monoxide heated to 100 degrees Celsius———felt even better!

Mixed 12 granules of  sodium nitrate with 11 granules of sodium nitrate——–Nothing. Ahgggg!

Frustration!

Mixed 2 parts French brandy with 2 cubes hydrogen monoxide cooled to 0 degrees Celsius, felt okay——-then continued.

Mixed 25 different granules of some sort with 32 granules of ammonium whatever—–uhhhh! A puff!

All this work is  making me thirsty——-mixed 3 parts French brandy in a glass with a teaspoon of hydrogen monoxide, not heated at all——-back to work.

Mixed 56 parts ammonium something with—-ah—–whatever that fluffy stuff was—–ah, let’s see, oh yes—-43 parts of it anyway———Bang! Whoa! That was certainly loud! Must celebrate!

Mixed 3 parts Frenchy with—–with—-3 parts Frenchy and drank it all up. There! Now where was I? Oh–oh, I remember now. I was trying to make something. Okay. Okay.

I mixed up several—several handfuls of some sort with several handfuls of some sort and then——-where am I——why is everything so dreadfully white———-And say—-why do all the folks around here look like they’re floating——say—–now I remember. I DID IT!——-I ACTUALLY MADE SOMETHING THAT WORKED. JUMPING JOHOSAPHATS! Like my good ol’ grandpappy used to say, ‘Be persistent. Never give up. If you quit you’re finished!’ There—–I persisted. I didn’t give up. BUT BOY AM I FINISHED!!!!

____________________________________by John Patrick Seekamp,      2014